MASKED FRIENDS

I don't understand why they always like that...really confusing...

they always come find me ONLY when they need my help...just to get benefit from me...

when they don't have any problem which need me to help them to solve it...

they won't find me for a hang out, outing or even YAM CHA!

totally SUCKS!

they won't come and find me unless they need my help...

and when we need their help...they will refuse to help immediately without thinking!

they won't answer my call or even replying my message!

even I just want to ask them to hang out or going somewhere to have gathering or sort of special event!

it's just nowadays trend or it's really their attitude manner?!

TODAY IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??!!

Today something unwanted, pathetic, horrible, stupid thing happened to me!!!
one word...SHIT!!!

and where should I keep my face???!!!! my image ruined!!!!!

when the thing happened I really wanted to pack up my things and go home!!!
such a horrible thing...making my hairs burst straight up!!!wakao...

why this kind of thing happened to me d!!!!

so so annoying and troublesome...

today I got to wash my ear kao kao..

wash my eye kao kao...

what's is going on with that guy...

shouldn't he chose a girl rather than a guy to confess...

if I was him surely I will definitely chosen the girl they suggested...

curse him...

got no sense...

OMG!!!!

when that guy talk that thing...

although it only took 2 minutes..

but for me like stupid 2days....

it's killing me...

like someone tearing my ear out of me...

digging my eye out of me!!!!

shit!!!!

after this kind of thing happened...

I figure out...

this game is not fun and not playable!!!!!!!

that time..

the reaction and the face emotion really horrify me...

with the smiling...

with the red face...

and with the "dare"

really really I don't what to say...

if it was a girl I think it is acceptable....

but it was a guy...

especially he is given a chance to choose girls!!!!!

OMG!!!! I am going to hell soon...

he said me lengzai...nice...self confident....

OMG!!!(again..)

if this words is saying out by girls...

I would be very proud and happy...

but no...

it's saying by that guy...

MORAL VALUE HERE :-

DON'T EVER PLAY TRUTH OR DARE WITH GUYS THAT IS...

YOU KNOW LA...

JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND...@@

Sometimes I just really don't understand why some of the people when you tell them the truth they won't believe you...

But when you tell them the opposite want the will believe it like hell!!!

weird isn't it?

and most irritating and annoying part is...

some of the people just like to judge within their sight without knowing it or searching for the truth...

sick right?

Whatever I tell them which have no benefit to them they will always said and judge us that we are lying to them...what to do???!!! It's really the truth...hell shit them...making me feel like I am a big fat liar!!! @#$%& it's not the first time already...especially when I repeated the truth for so many damn time...they just ignore!!! damn it...I was like thinking are they really mature enough...or they just got the size??? (haha..such a stupid jokes?? )

But...when I tell them the thing which really beneficial to them and it's is true...they believe me without any doubt...@#$*&% such selfish people...

it's too difficult to solve this kind of problem especially when you have problem with the people which is older than you...(just as the old folk said : adults words always right!!!)

I don't really agreed with that...

but I admit that most of the time they are correct

just most of the time...not all...

so adults also consult wrong things...

haih...

hope this kind of things over as soon as possible...

so troublesome....

so annoying....

so so unfair...

and no freedom...

ONE WORD!!! : S~ I~ C~ K~

SICK!!!!

FEELING SICK!

shit~!!!!

mood ruined~!!!!

can i just stop continue this???

i am so~ lost in my world...

don't know what decision to make...

still wondering and thinking what to do...

hoping someone can really help me do the right decision...

wishing for help all the time...

i really hate to do what i'm not willing to do...

or being force to do...

or just wanted to follow other people decision which is not my choice...

WTH!!!

really don't like it...

i know it's a good chance for me to perform myself...

and i know it's also a good chance to really improve myself and helping in future...

but it's just too tough for me..

i am not that kind of person where you know me when you just close to me!!!!

you are totally wrong...

please don't judge me...

i am like that(what you think is...)

just because i hope i could cooperate well with you all...

easy sharing things...

easy chit chatting...

no other meaning!!!!

shit...i really don't like my life now...

kinda hate it now...

how pity am i...

i say i don't want and i really mean it!!!

i already tell so damn many time...

but still you guys still thinking i can handle it...

hell no...

not NO at all la...

but still i dislike my past personalities...

in doing all things and giving out order...

i want to be small part of normal person in a community....

not the leader...

really stress for me...

i really can't handle this for second time...

i am a person where i only can handle one thing at the same time...

i can't handle both or more...

really can't....

GOD help me please...

i am in a big big trouble...

i want to follow what my brother* wanted to...

i don't want him to worry me at heaven....

i want him to be happy with me with the way he wanted...

with the thing he wanted me to do....

i don't want to make him worry anymore...

no more!!!

now i can just pray to GOD to help me...

help me...

HELP ME!!!!

cause i can't fight back...

can't talk back...

i can just stand and hold back and must be patient not emotional...

really hard to do this...

hard~~~T.T

HARDLY BREATH~~~

i feel so stress today....

not just about my love problem...

but also my academic....

i scare i can't handle my academic well...

so scared!!!!

i can hardly breath today...

feeling very heavy...

really wanted to find a place where i can really shout it out...

to let go everything...

so that i can release everything that is not happy that kept inside me...

i feel like dying with those feeling..

argh!!!!

very very painful feeling...

don't know what is happening to me..

hope tomorrow..

i will be feeling better....

such a sickening day!!!!!

GONE

now...

there's no one scold me anymore....

no one fight with me for computer...

no one make me angry...

and the person voice vanish in my world...

and in this world too...

guess who is that person?

is he...

my brother...

now i really can't hear his voice anymore...

and forever...

he had left me...

i really don't know...

things turn out to be this way...

a horrible and difficult to accept it...

my brother pass away two days ago...

it really shock me..

it's too sudden...

for me...

he is a strong healthy guy..

where he had no disease...

he is HEALTHY as i say...

but things turn out different...

he left earlier...

he left us...

i have no chance to call gor gor...

and no more chance to see him...

no more chance to talk to him...

no more quarrel no more anything

that is related between him and me...

NO MORE!

a sudden death of him..

have change many many things...

from a happy family...

turn into a sorrow, silence...

sad family...

no more laugh...

seriously..

until now..

i still can't accept the...

truth of my brother death...

it really like a dream to me...

even whole of my family member can;t accept it...

because it really too sudden...

it happened to fast!..

however..

it had happened...

can't change..

however..

MY BROTHER...

HOPE YOU WILL BE HAPPIER NOW...

MAY GOD BE WITH YOU...

GUIDE YOU...

I NEVER SAY THIS BEFORE TO YOU...

ALTHOUGH YOU CAN'T READ IT NOW...

BUT STILL I LOVE YOU BROTHER...

YOU ARE THE BEST BROTHER I EVER HAD....

THANKS FOR TAKING CARE OF ME...

THANKS YOU FOR SATISFIED WITH THIS STUPID BROTHER(ME) HERE....

IS YOU WHO MAKE ME STRONG...

IS YOU WHO HAD STRENGTHEN ME...

REST IN PEACE MY BROTHER...

~@@~

TruTh :-

still love you...

still miss in you...

still thinking of you...

still waiting you...

still can't forget you...

dream of you...

and most importantly...

my heart still left here just for you...

sleep late that night..

very very tired that day...

but just don't know why can;t get into sleep....zzzz

i dream of you and your friends...

we are chit chatting with each other...

we talks a lot..

none stop talking....

then suddenly...

you feel shy when your friends started talking about your things...

you came near to me...

asking me not to hear it...

i follow your instruction....

i ignore them..

at last they stopped....

they started to shat about other thing...

but you still kept on sitting beside me...

talking to me...

ignore them just as i...

we chat about our thing...

i felt very happy...

really hope my dream cam e true....

really can be with you...

let me guide you...

let me protect you.....

i really really wanted to be with you...

i have dream of you for two times...

the above mentioned...

is the second time d....

really hope the third time will be the reality...

really hope it...

hope it well...

maybe i think about you too much...

until i dream of you...

hope the day will come to me...

hope~

~DAMN IT!~

HAIH~

REALLY HOPE TO LEAVE THIS MISERABLE PLACE...
MOVING TO ANOTHER PLACE WHERE NO VIOLENCE...
NO QUARRELING...
NO FIGHTING...
NO JEALOUSY...
NO UNSATISFYING...
NO TEASING...
.....BLA......BLA.....BLA....

""NO TO NEGATIVE THINGS!""

NOW...
I REALLY REALLY GET THE MEANING OF LIFE NOW...
KNOWING WHAT TO DO...
WHAT SHOULDN'T DO...
HOW TO SOLVE PROBLEMS...

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...
I KNOW A THING...
CARING ABOUT OTHERS ARE THE MOST HARDLY THING TO DO...
AND NOW I TOTALLY MANAGE TO DO IT...XD "BRAVO"

EVERY CHINESE NEW YEAR....
I CAN HAVE A REUNION DINNER WITH MY FAMILY....
BUT THIS YEAR...
HAIH...
REALLY SAD...
REALLY REALLY UNSATISFY!!!!....!!!!
REALLY ANGRY AT THE SAME TIME...

THIS YEAR MY FAMILY HAD REUNION DINNER EARLIER...
>REUNION LUNCH<

I DIDN'T MAKE IT ON TIME...
I LATE...
I REACHED HOME AFTER THEY ARE DONE...
THEY GOT WAIT ME...

THANKS SO MUCH TO MY "BOSS"
I DIDN'T HAD MY LUNCH WITH MY FAMILY!!!!!
THANKS SO MUCH!!!!
DAME IT!!!!!

TELL US >WORKERS<
WORK HALF DAY...
BUT WORK UNTIL 7PM...
SUCKS!!!!

ALTHOUGH I NOT VERY LIKE TO BE TOGETHER WITH MY FAMILY....
BUT STILL!!!!!
IT'S REUNION DINNER!!!!!TOT...

REALLY SAD...
DROP INTO A BIG BIG HOLE...
I ATE MY OWN THAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

REALLY HATE HATE AND HATE!!!!!!!!!!!

ONE YEAR ONLY GOT ONE TIME....
THANKS TO HER..
IT'S GONE NOW...
GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...>END<...