xUxSxExLxExSxSx

today....
today....
today is the most worst day of mine!!!!
today i force myself to make the stupid decision which i don't want to!!!

if i doesn't do that stupid decision....
i will forever...can't talk to her...
even just near her!!!!!

for what changed so much....
for what???!!!!
classmates...
best friends....
parents...
even my most closed sister also ask me to change.....

change for what???!!!!
useless....
always can't get what i wanted....
or expected!!!!!

see her can't!!!
near her can't!!!!
if be a normal friend after this also can't!!!!!
then life is
really!!!
really!!!!!
really!!!!!!!
really!!!!!!!!
really!!!!!!!!!!
damn meaningless.......

why???
just why???
why you must treat me like that!!!

letting you go...
just as hurt as a knife slash my heart!!!!
the knife scar still can recover....
but the scar of mine....
in reality now...
can't recover!!!!

damn it!!!!!!!!!!!
i really don't like this feeling...

tears just can't stop pouring out.....
who is going to wip my tears?????
who is going to sew back my broken heart????

who????
i just can't accept the truth....
just can't....

really can't...
not acceptable at all!!!!!


the tree now....
have already wilted....
leaves fall to the earth...

i never feel that worst before.....
this is the first time....
first time water dripping out from
my heart....

XX STILL WONDERING HERE...hmmm... XX

I WONDER HOW....
I WONDER WHY....
YESTERDAY YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THE BLUE BLUE SKY....
AND ALL THAT I CAN SEE....
JUST A YELLOW LEMON TREE.....
HAHA...XDD....

why you still act so cool to me....
why you kinda don't want to talk to me...
even not looking at me also...
very hurt you know.....

i always think....
when only i can really see the blue blue sky....
and not the yellow lemon tree!!!!!

blue blue sky =
be with you....
have a wonderful life with you.....

yellow lemon tree =
always waiting no reply....
if got also negative de....
have seldom chance to see your pretty smile....
chat with you with less reply...ToT....

i don't want that....ToT

so...
so...
i don't know how to say....
haiz.....

i not good enough for you...????
if yes then i will change....
i will...

i will try my best to feel the love from me...
i will make you feel that i am suite for you...
i want to say this again...
i won't give up of you!!

gambateh!!!!

XXxx DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPEN TO ME xxXX

hmmmm...
really really don't know what is going on me....
sometimes...
when focusing too much on maths....
or think too much on how to do solution...
my head sure will be painful....
that's before...
that one i still can stand and handle...
but now...
if the pain continues....
it kinda become like needle poking to my head....
only one needle on a specific place on my head.......
haiz.....

suffered....ToT....

besides...
i also kinda....
no mood.....
that's why i always make those stupid jokes to make my classmates laugh...
so that i can overcome it...
there's a problem too...
when i am alone...
who is going to hear my stupid jokes or talking with me...
or sharing my things to????
haiz haiz haiz....

headache + no mood guy....==and so disturbed too....

Xx DAMN HAPPY TODAY!!! xX

woooohooooo!!!!!

damn happy today!!!

got graduated!!!

got certificate of

pelajar contoh lelaki, 2010!!!

cemerlang in koko!!!!

kehadiran penuh!!!(which means i very diligent...XP)

and head boy!!!

at the same time...
i also hope that i can get marvelous and good results in SPM!!!
and hope to have the same feeling today!!!!XDD

today i got certificates.....
although i got less than my friends...
but i am still very happy because this is the first time i got 7 certificates in a day...
at the same day....XDD
all my classmates got certificates too...(if i not mistaken...)

besides...
i also take pictures with my best friends too...
we took funny, cool acting, weird pictures of ours!!!
hahaha.....
oh!!..
and sleepy face of my classmates too....XD

actually i am not in a 100% happy mood...
because my parent didn't attend today...
not because they are not free...
or anything else....
is my school didn't invite...
haiz...
really hope can see my parent clapping hand happily.... infront of me...
while i standing on the stage taking pictures with my principle with
my hand holding a certificates...ToT.....

not just that...
the one i love also didn't come today...ToT....
i am so disappointed...
haiz...
i really need her support too you know.....

however...
i still have to be thankful....
thanks to all of my friends...
my teachers...that giving me fully support and spirits...
and to my parents...
who advices me....
and to my schools who believe in me....
thanks so much!!!!!!XDD

xX FEELING WEIRD....AND UNHAPPY... Xx

~W~E~I~R~D~
haih....
hmm...
i thought...she already being back to normal de???@.@
but every time the thing happen just make me curious....
why every time i go near to her place...her face will become darken....
but when i talk to her friends...
when there is funny jokes or not funny...
she will be smiling...
but for sure without looking at me la...

besides she also always looking at her books or maybe watching at other places...
when i am there...
she just won't look at my face even one...U.U
that day i buy waffle for her...
but she rejected...
so sad...ToT
because she rejected without looking at me...
kinda cruel....XP

but nevermind...
i will try my best...
to do something to touch her heart and let her know that i am really love in her...
and still hope she will talk to me like usual before the incident happened...
really hope it!!!

everytime i saw her...
for sure there's word in my mind....
"when she will talk to me???"
"when only she will really looking me while i am talking to her????"
"when only she will really accept me???"
haiz...

actually i kinda jealous when someone say that somebody likes her or wanna couple with her...
the jealousy in me just bang out...from nowhere...
haiz...
xxxXXxxx xxxXXxxx

i wanted to say this again...
i love you P.E...
really....

still hoping you to give me a chance here....
~52113143344~

✖HAPPY!!!!!!✖

DAMN HAPPY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

i thought after the incident....
the girl will ignore although she say she won't....
i thought of she have a ignorant on me.....
because she always have a very unhappy face when i get near her....
or chit-chatting with her friends....(when she is there...)

i have been trying to avoid from getting too near to her...
because she got tell me before asking me not to be to near to her....
if not she will walk away...
she will do that naturally without reason...
even she also say don't know....haih...

then while i'm waiting my mum to fetch me....
she go back first with her friends along...
actually i'm thinking of telling goodbye to her...
but got a bit scared scared...XPP
so just standing there like a stupid guy...
doing nothing....

but miracle happened!!!!!!!
she byebye to me...
and wave hand too!!!!!!!!!!!
so damn happy la!!!!!!!!
all my stress, pressure
including tiredness all gone!!!!
wow...
such a good cure!!!!XDDD

(maybe this is the power of love....XPP)

fully disappointed to myself.....><'''

just why am i always thinking too much for others before this???? why am i always being so stupid and always care about others no conditionally???? just why???

i always lend my hand for others...
helping to those who needed help if i can...
wish their problem can be solved...
hoping the school prefects can be smarter, willing to helps school...and anti-problem making students....
but why...
i had no idea on helping myself....
why???

i always think too much on what had happened to me... thinking too much on how to be a person that everyone would like...
considering on how to be the best of all...

haiz...

obviously, people like to hear the fake not the truth...
because they like to hear good thing about them not bad thing....
that's why many of the problem students kinda unlike me...
i always tell them about their mistake...
tell them not to do that...not to do this...
that's why now....
they started to be bored with my advices....(my friends...)
but look at the bright side...
the malay guys at my school get what i meant....
they started to change now...XD(such a good news....)
although i failed to help my best one...
but i helped those malay guy at school....
although they still have a bit of teasing people...
but at least they wiling to change themselves...
and started with a new life....X)

i just don't get why my friends like to be with the faker....
be with the untruth guy...
be with a person that full of lies in it....
maybe those guy knows how to say good word...
sweet greeting everyday...
doing things which my friends always do....(although it's not good....)
but...
now i am totally out of it...
i don't want to care so much...
i don't want to live in a torturing life.....
i just want to be with my real friends...
i don't want a friend that needs help only come for me...
when have good deeds forget about me....
i don't want to have these kind of friends....
such a waste for myself if i still follow their steps
but the problem is...
even my best pal did that....
a friend which i share my secret to....
he do the same thing....
i have make wrong decision...

i really hope i can change him again...
he always tells lies to me..........
always promise the things that he wont do.....

i really really want him to be just like the one i know before....
the one that really come to me to chat...
play...
sharing things...
not coming here for help....
only for help....

now...
i know all....
i know all the truth....
knowing that they are not the friends...
that i can rely to....nor depends on...........
i really hope they realizes that i am here......
i am here....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

now there's a problem on my study....
haiz...
thanks to my lazyness...
i live in a very torturing life.....
to study....
hope to get good results...as my family wanted for......

my mum and my teachers always asked me to asked my classmate if i don't understand anything.....
not i don't want to ask....
i got asked!!!!!k!!!!
not i don't want to ask them!!!!!
i ask them for so many times!!!!
but everytime they said...
not free la!!!!!
i am doing my work la!!!!!
saying those words...
which they mean they not willing to share their knowledge!!!!!
so shame you know!!!!
now i know...
they are greedy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
full of jealousy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
scared people will be clever than them!!!!!!!!!!!
but still i am the one asking them for help...
i can't blame them for their greedyness....
i should be grateful for that.....
haiz....
now i just have to study by myself...
and ask those teachers that willing to lend their help...
i can do it...
i know i can!!!!!!
GAMBATEH!!!!! +U!!!!!!!!!!