fully disappointed to myself.....><'''

just why am i always thinking too much for others before this???? why am i always being so stupid and always care about others no conditionally???? just why???

i always lend my hand for others...
helping to those who needed help if i can...
wish their problem can be solved...
hoping the school prefects can be smarter, willing to helps school...and anti-problem making students....
but why...
i had no idea on helping myself....
why???

i always think too much on what had happened to me... thinking too much on how to be a person that everyone would like...
considering on how to be the best of all...

haiz...

obviously, people like to hear the fake not the truth...
because they like to hear good thing about them not bad thing....
that's why many of the problem students kinda unlike me...
i always tell them about their mistake...
tell them not to do that...not to do this...
that's why now....
they started to be bored with my advices....(my friends...)
but look at the bright side...
the malay guys at my school get what i meant....
they started to change now...XD(such a good news....)
although i failed to help my best one...
but i helped those malay guy at school....
although they still have a bit of teasing people...
but at least they wiling to change themselves...
and started with a new life....X)

i just don't get why my friends like to be with the faker....
be with the untruth guy...
be with a person that full of lies in it....
maybe those guy knows how to say good word...
sweet greeting everyday...
doing things which my friends always do....(although it's not good....)
but...
now i am totally out of it...
i don't want to care so much...
i don't want to live in a torturing life.....
i just want to be with my real friends...
i don't want a friend that needs help only come for me...
when have good deeds forget about me....
i don't want to have these kind of friends....
such a waste for myself if i still follow their steps
but the problem is...
even my best pal did that....
a friend which i share my secret to....
he do the same thing....
i have make wrong decision...

i really hope i can change him again...
he always tells lies to me..........
always promise the things that he wont do.....

i really really want him to be just like the one i know before....
the one that really come to me to chat...
play...
sharing things...
not coming here for help....
only for help....

now...
i know all....
i know all the truth....
knowing that they are not the friends...
that i can rely to....nor depends on...........
i really hope they realizes that i am here......
i am here....
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now there's a problem on my study....
haiz...
thanks to my lazyness...
i live in a very torturing life.....
to study....
hope to get good results...as my family wanted for......

my mum and my teachers always asked me to asked my classmate if i don't understand anything.....
not i don't want to ask....
i got asked!!!!!k!!!!
not i don't want to ask them!!!!!
i ask them for so many times!!!!
but everytime they said...
not free la!!!!!
i am doing my work la!!!!!
saying those words...
which they mean they not willing to share their knowledge!!!!!
so shame you know!!!!
now i know...
they are greedy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
full of jealousy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
scared people will be clever than them!!!!!!!!!!!
but still i am the one asking them for help...
i can't blame them for their greedyness....
i should be grateful for that.....
haiz....
now i just have to study by myself...
and ask those teachers that willing to lend their help...
i can do it...
i know i can!!!!!!
GAMBATEH!!!!! +U!!!!!!!!!!