NOTHING GONNA CHANGE MY MIND BUT TO ESCAPE!!!

actually there are some difficulties for me to accept the truth that you have already couple with another guy...

i still remember that day that after i read your through your wall...(facebook)

and saw that you are in relationship with a unknown guy(for me of course...)

i am totally down!!!

i totally hate that feeling....

that kind of feeling is torturing me...

after a while...

then i started to think...

thinking am i good to be so angry on an unknown...

trying to kill that guy...

trying to ask you who is that guy....

where at the end all the thing will just hurt myself and maybe will also cause our friendship broken....

and...

when i have asking you who is that guy...

and you just ignored me...

and after that i sms you with no reply....

you doing this is not you are not happy to me but you have taken the time to accompany your "bf"...

for more time....

haih...

here...

i just wanna to say sorry to you because i have been kinda not looking at you and seldom talk to you...

cause...

i am trying to get rid of the "love" in me upon you now...

cause it is not good for me to love someone where she have already become others...

so sorry...

if the ignorant makes our friendship really just gone like this...

it's okay...(actually not okay....><""")

i am going to wish you and your behalf will be together happily...

and hopefully your behalf will treated you well...

so be happy!!!

(trying to be gentleman here...><''')

hope you will get your happiness well!!!!

(still trying to be calm here....><""")

~WHY DO I???? ~AND YOU DON'T???

why do i smile at your voice and your attend???

why i feel joyful at your caring???

why i done the way you wanted???

why i stress on your lie???

why i speak but you don't???

is this the way that it gonna be like???

is this the ending of ours???

is this the results you meant for???

if yes....and i do you don't....

then you are really "NOT" the person i have searching for....

you are "NOT"!!!!

wait...wait....wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!(ZoZ)

sickening....

haiz...

i just doesn't know why...

already know i am kinda emotional before...

sickening of waiting...

then please follow done the thing faster...

just faster...

before this i am a very very emotional guy...

but you guys still making things s~l~o~w....

seriously..

even changing clothes....

also takes for an hour!!!!

thats still okay for me...

because you all are girls...

but..

if i have changed now...

can wait you guys...

and not so emotional...

still can control...

then can you all be more thankful for that...

just make things faster....

not slower than before!!!.

really freaking me out la!!!!!

i still remember...

you guys said after exam we go to jusco...

you guys we will be fast...

don't worried...

OMG!!!!!

just taking bath...

and take shower...

it really takes more than 2 hours!!!!!!

seriously...ZZZZ

dear readers...

if you were me...

what is your reaction???
zzzzzzzzzzz

i still remember another incident...

where i have to go back t my old town...

i ask you guys to wait for my reply on when to go out together...

seriously la...

because if that i already quarrel so many time with my parent...

just because wanted to come back here earlier...

and i don't even know the date of coming back...

so i change the date every time...

what is the response of you all...

scolding me...

say why i always like this!!!!!!!!!!

seriously!!!!
is that calling always....

you are mentioning me or you yourself...

now...

dear readers again...

if you were me...

doesn't this making you become emotional?????????

if this is called as emotional...

then you guys have to think...

WHO IS THE ONE WHO MAKE THIS PEOPLE(ME!!!) EMOTIONAL!!!!

DOESN'T THE THING YOU ALL DONE MAKING ME EMOTIONAL???????

if you guys say

it's your problem...

you are the one who want to wait...

you can go late also...

then you are damn wrong now!!!

i go earlier because i don't want you guys wait...

but you all does not appreciate me at all!!!!

read properly k....

THIS IS WHAT FRIENDS IS...

K...

THIS IS HOW FRIENDS REALLY TREAT EACH OTHER....K...

NOT THE WAY YOU DONE IS TREATING FRIENDS K....

i write this not to scold people...

i just wanted you all know...

know how i really feel although some of the above thing i did't mention to you guys....k

i don't want to keep anymore...

i wanted to let it out here...

and forget all!!!

no more misunderstanding with you guys...

and no more anger upon you all...

thats all...

phhhewwwww~

really feeling much more better now....~o~

please you guys ask me to change my attitude...

then can you all change your own????

please...

most appreciate here....^^

~CALM~

hmm...

just can't figure out why...

why i feel so calm...

and i feel my pressure...stress...and all my burden gone...

while talking to you...

watching you...

whenever i angry, sad even emotional....

after you came and talk to me...

although you doesn't know what situation i'm in now...

but still it makes me feel better...

it's really miracle..

i just don't know what's that feeling is...

but i know...

whenever i think of you...

watching you...

the response of me...

only one..

smile and happy.....

just very weird...

now...

X-MAS is near...

what i hope...

is i can sit beside you...

and celebrate with you...

holding your hand....

comfort you...

pamper you...

but..

i know it's impossible...

i not gonna happen...

haiz...

but still i ain't gonna give up of you...

i will try my best!!!!

+U...XD

PROBLEM SOLVED!!!!XD

hey!!!

have you been very disappointed on people who you related to...

or maybe you really care for???

let me tell you here...

if you feel damn disappointed on a guy(similar to above statement)

then you really care or maybe love too much for them....

that's why you feel ''damn'' disappointed...

where you feel hot in you...

and you will feel the your aura is so strong until the paranormal also don't dare to touch you...

unable to control your emotion well...

or maybe you feel damn frustrated on that guy...

and most importantly...

you feel the person kinda like don't even know that you are EXIST in this WORLD!!!!

or know your existent but not the person carrier on you...

then i think you have the same situation with the writer here...==

i have been thinking and thinking...

at last i knew it well...

maybe it's not the person don't care at you or your existent...

maybe the person just don't know how to show their caring on you...

or maybe you think too much...

haha...

i think it's common...

especially for the couple one...XPP

or maybe the person have react on showing you their carrier on you...

it just you doesn't feel it...

because it's not the way they does that you really wanted from them....

if you still can't solve this kind of problem in you...

then you better go and have a proper conversation with them...

ask them...

that's the best way i think...hehe...

T.T...

before SPM :

ToT SPM so near....

when it will finish???

how does it look like???

scary????

while SPM :

OMG!!!

the paper...

haiz...

"easy than you thought" you know...

easy i say.....

after SPM :

finish???
what finish???

exam finish????

oh ya.....

yea!!!

(didn't notice that the time passing so damn fast....xP)

before form 5 :

(holiday time)

playing games....

watching tv....

go out with friends....

ready things for the next year....

having fun....

helping teachers at school.....

STILL COMPLAINING BORING LA...

COMPLAINING WHY HAVE HELP THE SCHOOL LA....

WHEN SCHOOL ALMOST START...

WHY HOLIDAY SO SHORT!!!!!!

AFTER SPM JIU SHUANG!!!!

after form 5 :

(after SPM and school)

playing games everyday..

no school things to worry about....

no one asking u to help the school...

can't fooling around with school friends anymore...

friends are leaving...

"flying to another place..."

NOW...

THIS IS REALLY CALLED AS BORED LIFE...

THIS IS ONLY CALLED AS ANNOYING...

HAVE TO FIND WORKS TO DO....

LAST TIME ONLY SIT AT HOME...

WAITING FOR POCKET MONEY...

NOW HAVE TO WORK BY YOURSELF....

NO MORE MEETS NEW FRIENDS(JUNIOR)...

HAIZ....

SCHOOL...ARE STILL BETTER FOR ME...T.T

X THE FIRST WEEK JUST OVER!!! X

the first week of SPM just gone!!!

wooohooo....

the BM and BI paper still okay...

but the sejarah paper is damn hard....

thank goodness i can still answer the essay question...

if not the mark deduction sure a~r~e m~a~n~y....

and the marker sure feel damn happy when he/she got the blank paper haha...

that's not going to happen now...haha

next week is going to be challenging...

math, moral then ADD MATH then PHYSICS....><...

headache!!!!

really don't know what will happen after SPM...

really want to know whether i am going to university after that...

or maybe going for work...

or or maybe...

i will be studying at singapore...

if i go too far...

i can't see my friends anymore...

i can't meet my gan di, gan nu er, gan er zhi... and her....><"""

haih....

what can i do...???

just can do weel in spm and try to get good results...

then try to get in to the U!!!

then my future will be nice...

and wonderful...

haha....

day dreaming again...==

actually having friends...
is a very very damn good things...
especially best friends....
no matter how they treat you badly or make you damn angry or more!!!
but at the end...
you will realizes that...
they are the one who stood you up...
they are the one who makes you happy....
they are the one who always think of you......
so appreciate your friends...
put more care on them....XDDD

they are the one who willing to hear your stupid damn crying story...
they are the one who laugh at your stupid cool jokes....
they are the one who click likes on your damn boring comment and post....
so what you want more from them....
this is the best gift ever after from them!!!!

if you make them feeling like let go of you...
then you must really determined yourself...
try to make their bad feeling on you gone!!!!
if not..
when they really let go of you...
your friendship will just ended up like that...

i really happy that i have them(my friends ofcourse....)
without them...
maybe i had already different...
totally different now...
thanks to them...
i am still what i am...XDDD

i scolded them....
almost give them my wonder punch on their faces...
full of annoying disturbance on them...
stupid jokes...
damn erring voice of vocal singing...XPPP
(before)

they still putting me on their friend list...
still listed me...
i am so glad.....
really really glad....
(now)

HMMM......

after thinking from saturday till now....
i think she is not the girl....
if she is....
she would have already accept my love long time ago....
not ignoring me....
or unhappy with my present everytimes....
EVERYTIMES.....
haih....
i still think she still like him...
i can't beat that guy...
"HEY!! YOU WON...DUDE!!!!CONGRATS!!!!"word for that guy....


hmmm....
my birthday is so near...
just around the corner....
will my parent celebrate my birthday????
will they remembered????
will my friends celebrate with and wish me?????
will my best of all gan di jacob wyl, momo, and more...remembered????
are they really really sincerely wish me?????
hmm...
i wonder how????
really can't imagine....XDD
that's good news....
but....
bad news is...
SPM is damn near too.....ToT
hope i can forget everything that is not happy...^^

xUxSxExLxExSxSx

today....
today....
today is the most worst day of mine!!!!
today i force myself to make the stupid decision which i don't want to!!!

if i doesn't do that stupid decision....
i will forever...can't talk to her...
even just near her!!!!!

for what changed so much....
for what???!!!!
classmates...
best friends....
parents...
even my most closed sister also ask me to change.....

change for what???!!!!
useless....
always can't get what i wanted....
or expected!!!!!

see her can't!!!
near her can't!!!!
if be a normal friend after this also can't!!!!!
then life is
really!!!
really!!!!!
really!!!!!!!
really!!!!!!!!
really!!!!!!!!!!
damn meaningless.......

why???
just why???
why you must treat me like that!!!

letting you go...
just as hurt as a knife slash my heart!!!!
the knife scar still can recover....
but the scar of mine....
in reality now...
can't recover!!!!

damn it!!!!!!!!!!!
i really don't like this feeling...

tears just can't stop pouring out.....
who is going to wip my tears?????
who is going to sew back my broken heart????

who????
i just can't accept the truth....
just can't....

really can't...
not acceptable at all!!!!!


the tree now....
have already wilted....
leaves fall to the earth...

i never feel that worst before.....
this is the first time....
first time water dripping out from
my heart....

XX STILL WONDERING HERE...hmmm... XX

I WONDER HOW....
I WONDER WHY....
YESTERDAY YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THE BLUE BLUE SKY....
AND ALL THAT I CAN SEE....
JUST A YELLOW LEMON TREE.....
HAHA...XDD....

why you still act so cool to me....
why you kinda don't want to talk to me...
even not looking at me also...
very hurt you know.....

i always think....
when only i can really see the blue blue sky....
and not the yellow lemon tree!!!!!

blue blue sky =
be with you....
have a wonderful life with you.....

yellow lemon tree =
always waiting no reply....
if got also negative de....
have seldom chance to see your pretty smile....
chat with you with less reply...ToT....

i don't want that....ToT

so...
so...
i don't know how to say....
haiz.....

i not good enough for you...????
if yes then i will change....
i will...

i will try my best to feel the love from me...
i will make you feel that i am suite for you...
i want to say this again...
i won't give up of you!!

gambateh!!!!

XXxx DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPEN TO ME xxXX

hmmmm...
really really don't know what is going on me....
sometimes...
when focusing too much on maths....
or think too much on how to do solution...
my head sure will be painful....
that's before...
that one i still can stand and handle...
but now...
if the pain continues....
it kinda become like needle poking to my head....
only one needle on a specific place on my head.......
haiz.....

suffered....ToT....

besides...
i also kinda....
no mood.....
that's why i always make those stupid jokes to make my classmates laugh...
so that i can overcome it...
there's a problem too...
when i am alone...
who is going to hear my stupid jokes or talking with me...
or sharing my things to????
haiz haiz haiz....

headache + no mood guy....==and so disturbed too....

Xx DAMN HAPPY TODAY!!! xX

woooohooooo!!!!!

damn happy today!!!

got graduated!!!

got certificate of

pelajar contoh lelaki, 2010!!!

cemerlang in koko!!!!

kehadiran penuh!!!(which means i very diligent...XP)

and head boy!!!

at the same time...
i also hope that i can get marvelous and good results in SPM!!!
and hope to have the same feeling today!!!!XDD

today i got certificates.....
although i got less than my friends...
but i am still very happy because this is the first time i got 7 certificates in a day...
at the same day....XDD
all my classmates got certificates too...(if i not mistaken...)

besides...
i also take pictures with my best friends too...
we took funny, cool acting, weird pictures of ours!!!
hahaha.....
oh!!..
and sleepy face of my classmates too....XD

actually i am not in a 100% happy mood...
because my parent didn't attend today...
not because they are not free...
or anything else....
is my school didn't invite...
haiz...
really hope can see my parent clapping hand happily.... infront of me...
while i standing on the stage taking pictures with my principle with
my hand holding a certificates...ToT.....

not just that...
the one i love also didn't come today...ToT....
i am so disappointed...
haiz...
i really need her support too you know.....

however...
i still have to be thankful....
thanks to all of my friends...
my teachers...that giving me fully support and spirits...
and to my parents...
who advices me....
and to my schools who believe in me....
thanks so much!!!!!!XDD

xX FEELING WEIRD....AND UNHAPPY... Xx

~W~E~I~R~D~
haih....
hmm...
i thought...she already being back to normal de???@.@
but every time the thing happen just make me curious....
why every time i go near to her place...her face will become darken....
but when i talk to her friends...
when there is funny jokes or not funny...
she will be smiling...
but for sure without looking at me la...

besides she also always looking at her books or maybe watching at other places...
when i am there...
she just won't look at my face even one...U.U
that day i buy waffle for her...
but she rejected...
so sad...ToT
because she rejected without looking at me...
kinda cruel....XP

but nevermind...
i will try my best...
to do something to touch her heart and let her know that i am really love in her...
and still hope she will talk to me like usual before the incident happened...
really hope it!!!

everytime i saw her...
for sure there's word in my mind....
"when she will talk to me???"
"when only she will really looking me while i am talking to her????"
"when only she will really accept me???"
haiz...

actually i kinda jealous when someone say that somebody likes her or wanna couple with her...
the jealousy in me just bang out...from nowhere...
haiz...
xxxXXxxx xxxXXxxx

i wanted to say this again...
i love you P.E...
really....

still hoping you to give me a chance here....
~52113143344~

✖HAPPY!!!!!!✖

DAMN HAPPY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

i thought after the incident....
the girl will ignore although she say she won't....
i thought of she have a ignorant on me.....
because she always have a very unhappy face when i get near her....
or chit-chatting with her friends....(when she is there...)

i have been trying to avoid from getting too near to her...
because she got tell me before asking me not to be to near to her....
if not she will walk away...
she will do that naturally without reason...
even she also say don't know....haih...

then while i'm waiting my mum to fetch me....
she go back first with her friends along...
actually i'm thinking of telling goodbye to her...
but got a bit scared scared...XPP
so just standing there like a stupid guy...
doing nothing....

but miracle happened!!!!!!!
she byebye to me...
and wave hand too!!!!!!!!!!!
so damn happy la!!!!!!!!
all my stress, pressure
including tiredness all gone!!!!
wow...
such a good cure!!!!XDDD

(maybe this is the power of love....XPP)

fully disappointed to myself.....><'''

just why am i always thinking too much for others before this???? why am i always being so stupid and always care about others no conditionally???? just why???

i always lend my hand for others...
helping to those who needed help if i can...
wish their problem can be solved...
hoping the school prefects can be smarter, willing to helps school...and anti-problem making students....
but why...
i had no idea on helping myself....
why???

i always think too much on what had happened to me... thinking too much on how to be a person that everyone would like...
considering on how to be the best of all...

haiz...

obviously, people like to hear the fake not the truth...
because they like to hear good thing about them not bad thing....
that's why many of the problem students kinda unlike me...
i always tell them about their mistake...
tell them not to do that...not to do this...
that's why now....
they started to be bored with my advices....(my friends...)
but look at the bright side...
the malay guys at my school get what i meant....
they started to change now...XD(such a good news....)
although i failed to help my best one...
but i helped those malay guy at school....
although they still have a bit of teasing people...
but at least they wiling to change themselves...
and started with a new life....X)

i just don't get why my friends like to be with the faker....
be with the untruth guy...
be with a person that full of lies in it....
maybe those guy knows how to say good word...
sweet greeting everyday...
doing things which my friends always do....(although it's not good....)
but...
now i am totally out of it...
i don't want to care so much...
i don't want to live in a torturing life.....
i just want to be with my real friends...
i don't want a friend that needs help only come for me...
when have good deeds forget about me....
i don't want to have these kind of friends....
such a waste for myself if i still follow their steps
but the problem is...
even my best pal did that....
a friend which i share my secret to....
he do the same thing....
i have make wrong decision...

i really hope i can change him again...
he always tells lies to me..........
always promise the things that he wont do.....

i really really want him to be just like the one i know before....
the one that really come to me to chat...
play...
sharing things...
not coming here for help....
only for help....

now...
i know all....
i know all the truth....
knowing that they are not the friends...
that i can rely to....nor depends on...........
i really hope they realizes that i am here......
i am here....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

now there's a problem on my study....
haiz...
thanks to my lazyness...
i live in a very torturing life.....
to study....
hope to get good results...as my family wanted for......

my mum and my teachers always asked me to asked my classmate if i don't understand anything.....
not i don't want to ask....
i got asked!!!!!k!!!!
not i don't want to ask them!!!!!
i ask them for so many times!!!!
but everytime they said...
not free la!!!!!
i am doing my work la!!!!!
saying those words...
which they mean they not willing to share their knowledge!!!!!
so shame you know!!!!
now i know...
they are greedy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
full of jealousy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
scared people will be clever than them!!!!!!!!!!!
but still i am the one asking them for help...
i can't blame them for their greedyness....
i should be grateful for that.....
haiz....
now i just have to study by myself...
and ask those teachers that willing to lend their help...
i can do it...
i know i can!!!!!!
GAMBATEH!!!!! +U!!!!!!!!!!

CHANGE!!!XO

actually i am a very very emotional guy...
when i am angry i will do whatever it takes...to let go my anger...
even i hurt my best friends before...
haha...
it have been two years since that incident quarrel with my best friends classmate...XP
although i make them hate me before...maybe even now...
i don't know...
what i know is they be very kind to me now...
very good to me...
and they even care about my feeling because they know me well now....
but it's over now...

after the last quarrel...
i have decided to change myself...
at the first...
it's really torturing to hold my anger...
to be patient...
haiz...
damn headache!!
but still i think i did it...
thanks to my friends...
when i been fooled or disturbed or maybe someone done very bad thing to me...
the didn't stand for me or backup me...
but they advice me...
clam me down...
thanks to them at last i did it...
and also thanks to the responsibility as the headboy at school too...
because of that i have be example to others students...
so i have to be very polite and wise...
not emotional....
i did it at last because of their helps...XD (HURRAY!!!!!)

but since after something happen to me during the last holidays....
i discover that changing my emotion still not enough...
i have to change myself...
improve myself...
i have to!....

i wanted fully change myself to a different guy..XD
i will try!!!

i really hope the new me that coming later...
the new born...XP
will change my life...X)

FEELING DOWN!!!

why i always can't get what i really want!!!!!
this feeling are sucks man...
HATE IT!!!

when i wanted to go out with friends...
the situation now not able to let me go!!!
i really hope to watch the movie i like at the cinema!!! not buying dvd watch at home alone...
haiz...

what's next!!!
haiz...
school is actually my second home now...
i really hope that i can play and chat with my friends all the time...
but can't!!!!(again....)zZZz
why?!
because i must go to duty in the morning....and also recess and the most important thing is only the time i can company my friends from different classes..to share things with...
haiz...
but look at the bright side...
i am going to let off my HP on wednesday...
so happy...XDD...but...
erm...
actually....i kinda miss it...
but...
can't help...i have to let go...because i got SPM to take...if i really continue it...
i think i can't manage to study well....

HATE IT TOO!!!!
CURSE IT!!!

i hate this kind of situation MOST!!!!
when i asked something from my gan di or my nearest friend to do what i asked for...
they always reject or yes! they do the thing for me...but at the end i am the one who finish it!!!
haiz..
even i asked them to company to go some place also don't want!!!although it's my last year in the school!!!!
so frustrating...
really can't accept the truth!!!!
but nevermind...
if they don't really like it...
i can't force them if not they will hate me...
it's too difficult to live in this situation...
such a headache life...

HATE IT THREE!!!XPP

lastly!
when i like someone...
when wanted to "kao" them...
when i have already be with them...
my family member sure will reject and always complaining about me....

but when i have already clash with my beloved one...
they like her!!!!
so insane izit!!!
like this also can!!!!

if i have already choose that kind of decision...do you think i can ask for couple back????
one word...
the answer is NO!!! tek!!!!!BIBIBI!!!!OUT!!!
so irritating....
haiz...

loving someone but can't be with her...
is a very damn torturing thing you know!!!!

WHAT ELSE...?
HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SAME???

FEELING LONELY???
FEELING STRESS???
HEADACHE OF YOUR BEHALF???
NO TIME TO DATE WITH YOUR BELOVED ONE'S???

TOTALLY SAME HERE MAN!!!!

toughness of life is more and more serious now....
life just so unfair...
life are so miserable...
life are so sick...

this feeling occur when the question i asked above happen...
why feeling lonely???
because we have no one to chat with...
share secret with...
laughing together with...
and the worst thing is no one understand your feeling...
no one understand the situation you been...
what can we do???
NOTHING!!!

feeling stress???
why???
for sure it is come from the pressure from the school teachers...
family problem....
tuition...
even no time for yourself to do the thing you like....
what can we do???
NOTHING!!!!(again...zzzz)

when you have your girlfriend or boyfriend...
what happen???
HEADACHE!!!
why??
when you have couple...
for sure you will be jealous when someone talk to your behalf...one....
and you will be so stress when you need your love one to company you but can't...
especially when the reason they give you are so...BULL SHIT!!!
what can you do???
NOTHING!!!
what can you do...
is accept the truth...

lastly...
NO TIME TO DATE WITH YOUR BELOVED ONE???
sure lo...
the above situation have already took you so much time
for sure you guys don't have time to do what you really wanted...

haiz...
my life just as same as your life...

life so sickening, full of sadness, and full of unwanted things!!!
just ruin our happiness....

HOPE..

i really hope when i go off...
leaving the prefect board...
give out my HP...
i will get a nice ceremony of retirement from prefect, school..and teachers...
i really hope they will appreciate on what i have done for school...before this...
i hope they will remember my name...
who am i...
and what i have done for school...XP

please...
this isn't call as greedy...ok...
it just i really done many things...
helping teachers...
walking all around the school whenever the teachers asking for my help...
done 3 or 4 things in one times...
although sometimes i can't do what the teachers asked for but at least i got try to help them...
i just hope they can actually respect me...

and the happy things is some of the school teachers and majority of the students have respected me as the school HP...XD

not just me in this school done so many things..
including my HP friends from others school have done the same things just like i do...
and been through the same situation same as i...

~so hard~

i have already got 6 handphone at school in within two month if i not mistaken...
really thanks to the person who told me about it...
if not i can't get so many phone in two month...(seriously..)
kinda feel sorry for them...><

my mum and my friends always warn me for doing this...
because they scared i will get into trouble for taking their phones..
but i can't just ignore...
the teacher have already too tired to do all things by themselves...
they need help sometimes...
so...this is the time for me to help them before i let go my HP...XP
although it's kinda hard for me...
since the teacher...is believe in me...
put all their hope in me...
i can't let them down..

although i kinda feel unhappy after i asked HP retirement for so many times!!
but failed!!!
i can't betray school because of this incident....
i must do...what i have to do!!!
haiz...
just s~o H~A~R~D Man...
zzzZZzzz

LOVE

loving someone is a very torturing thing...(for me..)
haiz...
especially when you crush on someone who have many other people like her!!!
it's very hard to accept that...
although it's normal for nowadays...
TOT...

she is kind, good, have nice smile too...
and always care other people feeling....
but!!!
why she make that kind of decision...
which will make others to be sad...
and down...

i really cant accept her decision...
just make me so sad!!!
and totally fed up...
ToT...
why????

X..haiz..today scold people in school...X

haiz..

today morning suddenly my anger is all around in me...

i let it out after saw the incident that happen in school before assembly today...

i also scold my prefect for not hearing my command and for not respecting me!

seriously...i don't want to scold them..

but still i have to...

it's for their own good..

if i didn't scold them..the teacher that taking over on us will do...

by the way/ following the rules and law of the school..

is the main thing for students to follow..

especially PREFECTS!

today when i scolding one of my junior...

his eyes is full of water...

just waiting to fall out..

haiz...

i really very damn frustrated to them...

i treated them so good...

i don't any repay from them i just want them to respect me as their upper committee...

so sad..

although just a small matter...

but it have already happened for so many times!!!

it doesn't matter for they to hate me...now...

i think when the time passes they will appreciate what i done for them..

if they don't want to be discipline now...

when they want to be???

its good to have many friends..

to play with..

to share their secret things with..

even gossip with is a good choice...

but since if you be with the friends that always making problem better

don't follow their attitude...

if its positive i won't mind and don't give a damn!!!

but6 if you guys followed the wrong example i must do what it is needed...

i know its not my problem if they wanted to be what or be like who...

but since they are in my prefect organisation...

i must care!!!!

really hope that they will forgive what i have done today....

[sorry guys..can't help..]

FEEL SO LONELY

today i feel so lonely....
really hope someone can come near me and sit beside me and talk to me...
sharing our thought and secret together...
can help each others when is needed...

today...at school i saw a girl which i know her pretty well...
although i seldom talk to her or play with her...
but still i know what person she was...
she played water with a guy, which i hate most.......(seriously...)
she poured the water onto the guy...

at the first i felt happy...
because i don't have to teach him a lesson by myself...
but when i continue watching them playing water at the canteen...
i can see that they are having fun over there....

then i started to feel angry...
not happy...
at the same time JEALOUS!!!
me myself also don't believe it...
it can't be real...

after recess i still thinking of the incident...
keep on THINKING...
and i felt like wanna chop that guy into pieces...
and i can neither pay attention nor focus in class while teacher is teaching in front...

am i really crush on her???
until now i still keep thinking the question..
and i still have anger in me....

after the incident happen i started to feel so lonely...ToT
really hope that the guy i mention is ME!!!!!!

NO WAY!!!!!

to unknown:

no way i am going to forgive you!!!!

you think who are you!!!

not i cant control my emotion k...

if i really cant control it i have ald blow out long long ago d lo...ok...

you're not just guilty but you yourself talk wrong to my BEST FRiEND you yourself also dunnoe

still can blame people!!!

jiak sai la you!!!

not just like to make people feel you jiak sai!!!

always show off about your academic

please la...

if you want people to concern you when you are sad about your latest result well

YOU YOURSELF should also care about other people feeling first k...

others than showing off your result

and making people feel sick and wanted to vomit

and "kao luii"

you still can do what??????

if you want to say sorry to people next time...

please be more professional k...

tell sorry but at the back got condition wan...

haiz...

never tell sorry to other people before???!!!

so insane...

pity you...

not just want to have condition but also at the same time still can show off....

you think who am i...

an easy playing guy...

NOW I TELL YOU HERE....

YOU FIND THE WRONG GUY K..

I HAVE ALREADY FORGIVE YOU FOR SO MANY TIME BEFORE...ONLY YOU YOURSELF DONT KNOW K...

SO BE SMART... MAN...

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HEARD SORRY WITH CONDITION AT THE END...SO LAME...

haiz....

Today, have a very very bad thing happen to me as well as my friends....
but thanks to this stupid and hideous thing happen...
but thanks to god...
i actually have found out...
who is my true friends is...
who is the one who support me...no matter what...
who is the one who really care for me...
and who is the one still can pamper me or give me advice...
although they been the same situation with me...

(thanks a lot my friends...XD)
(i will promise u guys that i wont keep the stupid thingy in my heart ok...dont worry...XP)

Jacob thanks for support me k...
really so damn(XP) happy to have a gan di like you...

although today i felt very very shame...
full of disappointment but i think my friend felt it more than me!!!seriously..

hm...besides...i think my malay friends know my problem...
because tomorrow i have seminar...which i don't want to go....zzzz
but because the class force me and things happen...something which also make me headache...
but when the school is almost over..
my classmates(malay friends) told me that they are happy to replace me....
arh...thank god...pheewww....even a different race...but they still care for me...
so gan dong....YoY
feel so sorry on what i have done before....

really hope that tomorrow will be better....
wish i can control my emotion well when i face him....
gambateh...XD

Really Miss Her Smile.....

today she smile at me again..
although we just chat for minutes...
but tat's enough for me...

b'coz me myself also dun dare to talk too much to her...XP
to nervous to face her..
maybe tis is the power of love...XD

now i am happie and still thinking of her...
but at the same time...thinking and wondering whether she have bf anot....
coz she din mention to me before...
haiz...

headache...
coz..i seldom go to church d...
tatsmean the chance to meet her becum more and more little..ToT

but i figure out one thing everytime i wants to see her phone..
she sure will let me see her friends...
and while she introduce her friends for me...
she will always say tis word...
"tis gal very pretty le...wan me to introduce u"
or maybe..
"tis from my skul d...very leng lui de..."
haiz...
really wants to tell her tat u are the pretties in my heart...XP
and stop introducing ur friends to me..
i just wan u....XP